The heart rate was at the fastest pace, anxiety had cornered her
from all corners, darkness was all she could see while she was curved up like a
ball, hoping it had not occurred, hoping it could be reversed. She knew,
she was not calculating it while she was there standing next to him fulfilling
every promise she ever made. He was! At every step, at every angle.
He was trying to fit her in a way he thought was necessary and practical. She
analysed how conveniently calculative he was in this relationship the whole
time in terms of trying to put her together in one picture of his family, friends, career, social life, and his personal self.
He knew what he wanted, he had taken his decision. He was
scared to talk it out. He was scared as he won’t be able to deal with the situation
by himself. Neither he had the courage to take a stand nor to walk away when
she wanted him to leave. Rather he thought it was right to create his nest in
some corner, build it up and once ready, he would fly away. He did not realise
what he ended up doing to her or even he did, he did not want to face it. It was all
about his comfort zone.
When she finally finished calculating (which she wish she
could have done a bit earlier) it wasn't difficult for her to understand that
this was bound to happen. She couldn't take a concrete step before because she
was just blind fondly in love with him and believe her she was totally proud of
it without any remorse or regrets.
He said he loved her but he couldn't care enough. He said he
loved her but he couldn't take a stand. He said he loved her but he could not
keep her…. Just because he was looking for logic whereas for her it wasn't
about logic, it was about love.
