One step forward
two steps back...or Two steps forward one step back...I don't know what exactly
it was but I surely felt like a Frog in a Well.
The feeling of
being sick, but you are not really sick. You are just sad, upset, unhappy. You
just feel like lying in bed all day.
That’s what I
went through a couple of weeks back. A complete ‘Bad Girl’ week where I had
literally given up and so everything went upside down. A close friend died
unexpectedly which had put me in a complete mute mode. This just added to my
fears. The bad week started with Monday and actually ended with Friday
missing work for the whole week. I just could not believe myself. Was that me?
How could I take work for granted? There are people not getting jobs for months
and here I was wasting days just lying on bed at home. Every morning I had to
text my manager saying my head is not straight enough to be at work. No energy
was inside me. A complete blackout and darkness was prevailing all around where
I could not see any light in the tunnel I was wandering through. My days
went on getting up only at noon, making myself a cup of tea and breakfast/lunch
and then back to closed doors. If my dad had known this he could have kept me
at the gunpoint. But I could not make him aware of my state of mind because I
could not appear in front of him as a loser or should I say I was afraid of
him.
Well, the thought
that was disturbing me was - What the hell I was going to do with my life other
than getting married and having a family? Was I happy in real sense? Is this
what I wished to do in the long run? Was I contented with my life now? The
biggest was how to make my dad feel proud of me???
The strange part
was I wasn’t looking for a safe place. I wasn’t looking someone to rescue me. I
was searching for a purpose, the very purpose of my existence. I was ready to
work hard and harder but didn’t know towards what. I couldn't just get up and quit because
I got to run my kitchen. At the same time I didn’t know what else to do. I was listening to all these voices inside
my head. GO! MOVE YOUR BUTT!!!...LOOK FOR SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY AND
CONTENT... Don’t settle on things that makes you empty but look for something
that makes you FULFILLED! .
But hallo, how
the hell was I supposed to do that? I was trying to see a trail of light,
as in if someone could just tell me what to do with my life” OR “she could
give me some test to figure out what career would be best?”. I had touched the
very bottom quite a few times but it was time not to just sit and crib about
things. Things were to be mended.
How I started to
put pieces back in place? I had to move my butt. First, Hair Cut that
actually meant chopping the long locks which I had for 15 years. It simply gave
me a new look. A look that made me feel more chirpy, happy, active and
confident. Then Shopping. Yes, I shopped for formals to gain that new charm for
myself. At the same time, I read about 50 articles to solve the puzzle and saw
TED videos.
Finally, I made
myself to sit down with a pen and a paper to jot down what exactly was I
feeling. And what came next was “My Happy Diary”…!!!
Happy Diary..???
I was in the
habit of writing a journal but all these years it was more about venting out
the frustration and negativity that existed inside me. This time I completely
changed the trend. I thought to write from a different perspective with a new
set of eyes. The eyes which does see only good because it occurred to me why
shouldn’t I write about things that makes me happy. Anything that I do which is
more of positive nature. To my surprise, this little trick did the needful. I
promised few things to myself and accomplishing them made me smile. To giving
my thoughts a real meaning, I was just reading the right stuff and while doing
that, another good thing happened and that was ‘One Girl revolution’.
One Girl
Revolution..???
Other than
fitness and right food, one of my 2014 resolution was to get myself involved in
women social welfare to give a purpose to my existence on this planet. I
have been a strong supporter of women education and empowerment and I thought
of doing something about it. I do believe, every girl on the planet has the
right to an education. No matter where she is born, how much her family
earns, what religion she adheres too or what her culture says, every girl
deserves the opportunity to learn, grow and be the best she can be. I
heard that there was a school in Sierra Leone, West Africa that was on the
brink of being shutting down. After a heavy rainy season, water had
softened the mudbricks and parts of the school were collapsing, making it really
unsafe. Even though their school was falling apart, the kids kept showing
up. One Girl is an Australian NGO working on this project. Here I saw an
opportunity to take that baby step I had been waiting on and started my own
campaign that was about doing fundraising for this school for girls. I posted
on social network and emailed my close friends and acquaintances.
Surprisingly, I
am overwhelmed by the response I have been able to get from social platforms.
If you think you
can afford to contribute, click on the link (https://idontwantapresent.com/tanvi-mor)and
do the tiny drop as every little bit counts.
To acknowledge
the blessing I have been endowed with is another conscious thought and to do
something substantial with my existence is totally my conscious decision. Miles
to go before I sleep but these little thoughts brought back my smile and this
time a genuine one.
This woman has
fought a thousand battles and is still standing…
Has cried a
thousand tears… and is still smiling….
Has been broken,
betrayed, abandoned, rejected…but still she walks proud…
Laughs loud,
lives without fear, loves without doubt…
This woman is
beautiful. This woman is humble. This woman part angel part bitch all is Me…!!
I did not know what she was going to do or where she was going But she knew one thing…..It was Time…!!!
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